Gut Instincts in Relationships: Should you really trust your gut?

Across social media platforms, there has been talk of gut instincts in relationships. One says your body tends to know first before your mind. A part of your body is rejecting the person. But there is also working on yourself, and that can feel uncomfortable, almost going against your gut, in growing relationships. This can be overwhelming and cloud your judgment. How do we know which is which? 

A study by Weintraub (2013) tested newlyweds. They would show pictures of their own spouse to the other spouse, and the participant had to click a positive or negative associating word. Whether the participant had a delay or a quick response could determine if their marriage would last. McNulty, the one who led the study, says that desire can cloud our judgment and that we should listen to automatic thoughts instead. 

Offering a different perspective, a podcast by Howard and Tsipursky (2020) states that gut instincts are bad for relationships. Howard mentions that when something makes you feel good, it does not necessarily make it good. Tsipursky concludes that trusting gut instincts comes from a primitive response. This means that, from an evolutionary perspective, we have just gone with our gut and what feels the most comfortable because it helped our survival. For example, staying when you have a good gut instinct about that human, to reproduce as fast as possible.

Tsipursky reminds us to fight against this primitive response because we are now in a modern age, and the problem can come from a lack of communication skills. Tsipursky believes that misunderstandings can result from a lack of communication and that people can let them ruin healthy, loving relationships.

Relationship anxiety can be a reason why people are hesitant to associate with positive people, because people who exhibit relationship anxiety can seek constant, unrealistic reassurance and overthink about compatibility (Raypole, 2024). People can also still have unhealthy attachment styles in marriages, and if they constantly worry about their partner leaving them, that can also affect the timing of the association because it’s hard to think positively of your partner if you think they’re going to leave you. Relationships can also make you leave relationships too early. 

The decision to listen to gut instincts or not should be based on self-knowledge and which one connects to you more. Reaching out to therapy to gain self-knowledge can clarify which decision is best for you. If you do struggle with unhealthy attachment styles and relationship anxiety, DBT skills can offer help. In DBT, there are reality acceptance skills that help you take control of your situation and make effective choices. 

References

Raypole, C. (2024, August 13). How to handle relationship anxiety. Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/relationship-anxiety#signs

The Psych Central Podcast. (2020, July 30). Podcast: Your Gut Instinct is Bad For Your Relationships. Psych Central. https://psychcentral.com/blog/podcast-your-gut- instinct-is-bad-for-your-relationships#6

Weintraub, K. (2013, Nov 27). Subconscious relationship doubts? Trust gut instincts. Gannett

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