What is Perfectionism? How therapy can help.
- Tiffany Dang
- 3 days ago
- 3 min read
Perfectionism is the persistent need to be “perfect”, meaning, no flaws, no room for mistakes, always feeling pressure to meet rigid expectations. Humans are not built to be perfect, and growth takes trial and error. Even robots have constant bugs and fixes. Perfectionism is a habit that people practice every day.
In this article:
Types of Perfectionism
Perfectionism is usually described negatively, but studies show that there are some positive aspects of perfectionism up to a certain point. Once it reaches that point, there is a cascade of different side effects.
Negative Perfectionism
Negative or unhealthy perfectionism is performed when worrying about mistakes, shame, and guilt. This constant shame and guilt can manifest into depression and anxiety. In negative perfectionism, personal standards are never met; when they are objectively met, the standards are raised. The individual feels bad and is crushed by failure, and they feel they will never succeed.
People who struggle with perfectionism are also associated with pessimism and neuroticism (Hillis, 2016). Neurotic or emotionally unstable perfectionists won’t ever feel like any work or effort is good enough. Additionally, extreme perfectionism can lead to a decline in self-worth, according to research by Leonard and Harvey (2008).
Positive Perfectionism
There are positive sides to perfectionism. Positive perfectionism encourages you to pursue excellence and increases motivation. People who have been able to look past their failures will be able to keep taking action and overcome their failures.
Positive perfectionism can also be associated with optimism and consciousness or responsibility (Hillis, 2016). In the article by Leonard and Harvey (2008), they discuss that a healthy level of perfectionism means setting high but flexible expectations for oneself. Not only that, they receive pleasure from real laborious effort.
Additionally, research shows that over time, tendencies to go to the extreme (like expecting yourself to be perfect all the time) decrease naturally over time. Researchers call this "the maturity principle." As people age, their extreme tendencies tend to decrease, but you should pay attention for a few key signs that you may need help to decrease your perfectionism.
Signs you may need help:
You have an overly critical inner voice - no matter what you do, it is never good enough for that voice inside your head.
Debilitating fear of making mistakes - you seem to waste copious amounts of time deciding on the right decision to make, and sometimes end up avoiding tasks altogether.
Difficulty accepting praise for achievements - it is hard for you to accept praise because you find mistakes in almost everything you do
Depressed mood - you may become so overwhelmed with needing to be perfect that you fall into hopelessness that things will ever change.
This is not an exhaustive list. If you feel your perfectionism is interrupting any aspect of your life, consider reaching out for support.
Therapy for Perfectionism
An extremely high level of perfectionism is unhealthy and can lead to significant negative effects on a person. Therapy can teach skills to manage perfectionism and increase flexibility. For example, DBT can help you tolerate distressing feelings that come up when you confront perfectionism. DBT also teaches reality acceptance skills, helping you to accept that it is okay to make mistakes and accept yourself during those moments.
If you are struggling with unhealthy perfectionism, please do not hesitate to reach out. Our trained and compassionate therapists are ready to meet you where you are and walk alongside you in developing healthy coping strategies for a more fulfilling life.
References
Hillis, J. (2016, July 3). Positive Perfectionism vs Negative Perfectionism. Josh Hillis. https://joshhillis.com/positive-perfectionism-vs-negative-perfectionism/
Leonard, N. H., & Harvey, M. (2008). Negative perfectionism: Examining negative excessive behavior in the workplace. Journal of Applied Social Psychology, 38(3), 585–610. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1559-1816.2007.00318.x
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